While drinking together with his friends, the story about the other girl was brought up. Hearing his friend talked about the girl shocked me to pieces! So, I felt so horrible inside and cried. I told him to finish drinking with his buddies and that I am decided to go back to Cagayan in an earlier date. After that, I couldn’t believe what he did to me. He wanted to appease me but by doing so he made fun of me. I felt so ashamed and cried. So I said to him that he should stop it. He got angry and accused me of being so unsubmissive to him. When we arrived at the boarding house, he shouted and told me that he didn’t tell his friends about it and it was a misunderstanding. He said I was having too much of a suspicious mind and that I was trying to make him looked like he is being managed by a wife (“under the saya”).Then he told me to leave him alone and that I should go back to Cagayan de Oro City. He said everything between us is finished! Our marriage is final and over. Aside from that, he took his ATM and rips it apart because he told me he won’t allow “my man” to take part of his earnings. He suspects that I have another man. I told him I don’t have any and that I don’t want him to take his ATM because I was keeping it for his children. Since I felt too much pain inside me and that I felt so unwanted, I packed up my things and left. I headed straight to the nearest pension house that I can afford.
Now, I am all alone in a room with my laptop and some few things I was able to carry. I am cashless right now because I have wasted my money paying for the things he wanted while I was here. My credit card has an available balance enough to get a boat ticket back home on Tuesday. Today is Sunday and my stay here at the pension house is until tomorrow at 12nn. I still have a Monday night to look for a safe bed to sleep in and few meals to get through until Tuesday. But where will I get the money for that?? My blogging income will be deposited in my bank account on Friday.
Anyway, I felt like a fool right now and I have too many hurtful things inside me. I thought about ending my life several times already but I felt like a loser if I do so. Besides my children are still there for me, so I need to be strong. There are times that I don’t want to work and make money online, all I wanted was to sleep it all in but I can’t. I know my children need me.
To be honest, I felt like I am in the deepest pit of hell right now! I felt alone and unwanted. I am penniless and hungry. I felt so low. I felt so hurt and stupid.