Blogging Alone in a Room

Just about a few days ago, I posted something about a shocking news that I might reveal in the next several weeks. I said I will not blog about it yet since I am not sure if it would push through. Sadly enough, it really didn’t last a month so I won’t be blogging about it anymore. It’s making me SAD really.But I still have a shocking news to tell, I know I might be stupid to inform you all about this but I just want you all to know the truth and I want to vent out how I feel inside. Here it goes, I am still in Bacolod and I am blogging from a pension house. I left my hubby’s boarding house around 3 am early dawn because of a huge fight.

While drinking together with his friends, the story about the other girl was brought up. Hearing his friend talked about the girl shocked me to pieces! So, I felt so horrible inside and cried. I told him to finish drinking with his buddies and that I am decided to go back to Cagayan in an earlier date. After that, I couldn’t believe what he did to me. He wanted to appease me but by doing so he made fun of me. I felt so ashamed and cried. So I said to him that he should stop it. He got angry and accused me of being so unsubmissive to him. When we arrived at the boarding house, he shouted and told me that he didn’t tell his friends about it and it was a misunderstanding. He said I was having too much of a suspicious mind and that I was trying to make him looked like he is being managed by a wife (“under the saya”).Then he told me to leave him alone and that I should go back to Cagayan de Oro City. He said everything between us is finished! Our marriage is final and over. Aside from that, he took his ATM and rips it apart because he told me he won’t allow “my man” to take part of his earnings. He suspects that I have another man. I told him I don’t have any and that I don’t want him to take his ATM because I was keeping it for his children. Since I felt too much pain inside me and that I felt so unwanted, I packed up my things and left. I headed straight to the nearest pension house that I can afford.

Now, I am all alone in a room with my laptop and some few things I was able to carry. I am cashless right now because I have wasted my money paying for the things he wanted while I was here. My credit card has an available balance enough to get a boat ticket back home on Tuesday. Today is Sunday and my stay here at the pension house is until tomorrow at 12nn. I still have a Monday night to look for a safe bed to sleep in and few meals to get through until Tuesday. But where will I get the money for that?? My blogging income will be deposited in my bank account on Friday.

Anyway, I felt like a fool right now and I have too many hurtful things inside me. I thought about ending my life several times already but I felt like a loser if I do so. Besides my children are still there for me, so I need to be strong. There are times that I don’t want to work and make money online, all I wanted was to sleep it all in but I can’t. I know my children need me.

To be honest, I felt like I am in the deepest pit of hell right now! I felt alone and unwanted. I am penniless and hungry. I felt so low. I felt so hurt and stupid.


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11 Comments

  1. mommy ruby, sobrang sad naman nito. hats off ako sa strength mo. continue fighting for your kids. they need you. and never forget all those people who TRULY love you… there are so many of them…

  2. Drunks do not changer, please never consider taking your life over a BUM western drunk coward. Need to be strong for the children and move on to better relationship in time.

    Be brave, be strong life will unfold in the way you wish it to.

    Give up and be weak, life will swallow you up.

    TC –

  3. ay ang SAD naman ng post, sana po maayos din soon.

    Anyway puede po paturo kung pa’no i-add yung ADD Post To: | Digg | Technorati | del.icio.us | below posts?

  4. i think mommy ruby, you have had enough. please please wake up. when will you ever will? he will never never ever change again. if you want to continue hoping, u take the risk of losing the life u deserve. don’t make urself stupid for a low level person like him. when are u gonna realize that your relationship was over a long time ago?

  5. Mommy rubz,so sad naman what had happened sa visit mo there in bacolod.Just be strong na lang for your kids.Remember: After the rain, rainbow will appear.God bless po…

  6. hello guys! thanks for the visit and the comforting words.

    i am just so thankful right now that i have no more tears to drop. though my heart still hopes for good tidings to come, it seems that the word “good” is no where to be found just yet.

    @ BM, i will look for the tutorials. i will send it to you soon.

    take care!!

  7. hi sis, sorry for my words ha since you let us in na rin naman sa life mo…i have been constantly following up your family life and lovestory…but don’t you think it is about time….i think you are better off without him…you have proven it naman na eh.

    sorry sis ha, affected ako e. Nakakainis kasi yugn nangyari sa iyo…

    lalo na he is turning the tables, ikaw pa daw ang may another hayyyy.

    God bless you sis, and be strong for your kids.

  8. Mommy Ruby,

    I know how difficult your situation right now. I’m even deeply affected about what you are experiencing in your life at this moment. If I could only be there for you to support you and comfort you, I will. But with our distance, I know I can only suggest is to just pray to the Lord for wisdom to understand the things that you may not know why it is happening to you and for strength to overcome the pains of life. Be strong mommy Ruby, I know God has a purpose why He allows these things to happen. Seek Jesus Christ because only Him can give you the real comfort that you are looking for that no one can ever give you. I want you to know that you’re always a part of my everyday prayer. And please don’t ever think of taking your life again. You are right that if you do, you will be just a loser. Just seek Him and follow the path where He wants you to be.

    Regarding your husband, just pray for him and let God do what’s best for him. Include him in your prayer everyday that he would realize your value in his life. I suggest that you prioritize your children, let them be your inspiration and allow God to work in your life. If you want someone to talk to, you know how to contact me.

    Btw, I want to share with you one of my favorite verse from the bible. I say this whenever I feel down and troubled. Believe me after saying this, I’m lightened up. I hope you would feel the same.

    John 14:1 (KJV):
    “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.”

    I also want to share with you my favorite song entitled “Trust His heart”, please search it in Youtube. Here’s the chorus of the song:

    God is too wise to be mistaken
    God is too good to be unkind
    So when you don’t understand
    When you don’t see His plan
    When you can’t trace His hand
    Trust His heart

  9. Sorry to hear that you had to go through it. At least now, you found the “answer” to your questions.

    *Hugs for you*

    Take care on your way home! We missed you!

  10. hi gurl I am not the closest you have but reading this post really torn me apart too. Just hang on gurl and they are right ending your life will never be a solution to any problem God never give you that trials if you can’t bear it. he gave it to you because he knows you can. Hang on and pray and answer will come your way

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