First, about Baby Bella, as I mentioned in my post last September 13, I am worried because of her unsafe exposure already. I have already reached 1CM last Wednesday (1 week ago) which means that the protective covering already has a hole in it in which case, unwanted bio-related things might get into her. And to be honest, I am not yet feeling any labor pains, blood spotting or even bursting of my water bag! It somehow scares me knowing what will happen to the baby if she is continuously exposed.

Anyway, I will be leaving today for my weekly check-up with my OB doctor. I can’t wait to know what are the improvements my baby has by now. I might be back later this afternoon or in the next few days with Baby Bella if the doctor decides to induce me to labor. But honestly, I pray that things would go naturally as possible!

Second is about my SEO friendly blog directory that I have been working on for the past few months. Not only did I spend time and effort in building it but also money to fix and improve it! And you know what happened? The hosting company where I purchased my reseller hosting business (I have five in different servers actually) transferred to a new server. And guess what? All my databases for both the SEO blog friendly directory and my blogs are all gone!! I mean it would be easier to accept if it happened to most clients they serve but my friends who were under them is so online and kicking!! Mine is so kaput! To think, I have two accounts with them. I asked them for help and they said the back-up they have doesn’t contain anything that is why they can’t load my databases back and they can’t do anything about it!! Isn’t that an insane way to treat your customers? I have been into blog hosting services for the past few months but I never leave my clients dumbfounded on matters. Even I was pregnant, I stay up late just to answer and make ways for my clients but as for them…they don’t even give me some alternate thing to do to get myself up and running again. I am so pissed!!

Oh well, aside from being so pissed with them, I am worried with all my clients who took time to get their blogs listed there. It’s hard to get other bloggers to submit their blogs at the directory and much harder to ask them to submit again. What worries me the most is losing the trust of my colleagues in the world of blogging. So, I decided to spend my so hard earned money again to get my oldest database backup loaded to this frustrating new server where I already paid for a one year plan for both accounts. I might not get them up and running immediately since I am in my last pregnancy stage but I am hoping to get everything up by next month. Then before my contract ends with them, I will look for a new and reliable reseller hosting service provider or get my own dedicated server for that matter. I will be so out with them in the next few months!! If you want to know what company, just email me and I will gladly tell you!!

Supposedly I don’t have a third reason why I am worrying about things but just a few minutes ago, my good ole husband have arrived from his drinking again! I already asked him to stay away from his drunkenness for the next few days while I am waiting for Baby Bella to arrive because I want him sober if I undergo labor. But now, he did it again! He has arrived from his drinking spree and is now sleeping. Since he can’t go to work “again,” he will make my OB check-up as an excuse “again” so that he will be granted a valid leave of absence. So to justify his cause, he wants me to go to the doctor this afternoon instead this morning. He wants me to freaking wait for him to get sober so that he could accompany me to the doctor because he wants to ask the doctor something. Which I believe he doesn’t have anything to ask because based from my experiences with the same reason he has, when we arrive at the hospital, he doesn’t even bother to go inside the doctor’s office but spend his time waiting at the canteen “eating” rather than beside me and listen to the doctor’s updates! Not that I am worried about him but I am just so pissed with him and his reasons. I think old habits don’t really die! They just grow from worst to a much worse situation.

And because of this, I have decided to go to the doctor this morning. Why would I wait for a freaking man to get sober when my baby might already be in distress? I heard about damsels and babies in distress but not a prince “not-so-charming!” Heller?! I might be a freaking martyr but I would not stand and wait for somebody who doesn’t even care about the baby I am carrying. Forget about me, I already lost faith that he loves me as his wife or whatever. I am standing strong for my children and someday for myself. I am just hanging on.

After seeing the number of words I have typed, I can really see that I am more stressed than worried. I guess I needed to have a workout machine like a treadmill here or better yet create some home gyms so that I could release some of these stress I am having through sweat!

By the way, thanks for reading my long post. I haven’t done this much for months now. So I guess this might be a shock for some. But then again, thanks for the time and God bless!

After winning the My SM City Bacolod Story Blog Contest, I was greatly saddened thereafter. My husband who hasn’t been home for two nights told me that he has forgotten about my mobile phone! He said he left it with one of his friends but when I asked them about it, they said my mobile phone was nowhere to be found at their home. I was greatly shocked and distressed with the news aside from the fact that my mom is already mad at him for not bothering to come home despite my situation of being pregnant. She said if he always does that (three times since my mother arrived), she worries where to ask for emergency medical assistance when something happens to me especially I am nearing my 9th month.

Some may think that I am fussing too much over a mobile phone, well, if I have plenty of money, I will not fuss either. But considering the fact that he already lost three mobile phones because of his drunkenness (one sold for a couple of beers and the two lost along the way which included mine) and one because of his carelessness (sleeping over it causing it to break), I think I have the right in the world to get mad at him. Right??

Though losing my mobile phone means I need to restart building my contact list, what really bothers me most is that I need to buy a reloader sim pack and apply for a new Smart Money card again. I was preparing that sim card for selling electronic loads when my mom and I will start selling in our little store. We are hoping that even cents of a profit can help sustain our daily needs when the time comes that I will be restricted from doing online tasks because of the coming of our newest member. But sadly, some people are just too selfish and careless. I really don’t know what to wish for him right now. All I know is that I am sad and mad as of the moment!

When August 12, 2009 came, everyone was having problems with their internet connection because of the damage that was made to the Asia Pacific Cable Network 2. The cut affected all communications companies thus making the World Wide Web access slower or to no connection at all. Some thought that my complain was related to that but it wasn’t because after the repair of APCN 2, mine was still the same and forever making me red in frustration.

So, I called Smart Broadband Customer Service and complained about it. The next few days, a technician came and check my connection. They told me that sometimes a virus can affect my internet access. Because of that statement, I told them to run my anti-virus software in full. After the scan was completed, 30 plus Trojans were found and deleted but still my connection is a great disappointment!

The technician advised me that I should buy a 10 feet ½ radius conduit steel pipe and a #16 metal wire. He said my problem might be caused by the interference of blockages between the base station and my internet antenna. Then if I have the materials ready, I will just text him and he will install it for me. So, I asked him where I should pay for the services of the installation, he replied that I should pay him. After hearing that, I felt that it sounded so wrong. So, I decided not to buy the materials yet and besides, I don’t have the budget for it as of the moment.

Anyway, I noticed that when I access the internet between 12mn to 6am, I get much lesser incident of a “Network Timed Out” messages. Though I don’t have a fast connection just like what I experienced before in my previous apartment (which is a few blocks away from the Smart Broadband base station), I can work continuously at dawn. And because of this, I find myself living the life of a night owl again. I stay up very late and sleep during day time which is usually one morning nap and one afternoon nap.

So, does this mean that my current base station wherein I am getting my internet access is so crowded during day time? Could this be the reason why I am getting a wonky connection? Oh well, I don’t have the answers right now but hopefully when an extra budget comes out, I would know if this is true. As of the moment, I want to have my internet antenna raised few feet more to rule out the theory about the blockages (trees, buildings, etc.) between the base station and mine.

Oh well, if I will still have the same connection problems after my internet antenna has been raised, I think I have no choice but to wait for my lock-in period with Smart Broadband to expire this coming December 2009. After that, I have to apply for my reinstallation of PLDT myDSL connection which I have discontinued when I decided to go home to Cagayan de Oro last June 2008.

As for now, living the life of a night owl is a choice I have to settle with. Besides my OB told me that it’s OK to stay-up late if I get all the rest I can during day time. All that matters is the rest that I will be getting to compensate my night life!

Earlier this morning, I called them and they told me that the vessel will be arriving around 2pm. Then when my husband called again, they told him that it will arrive around 5 to 7pm. So, just to make sure, my friend Mommy Dhadha helped me called them back again, they told her the boat will arrive around 4 to 5pm. So, immediately dressed up and so as my children, we rushed to the port immediately but when we arrived there, they say the vessel will arrive at 7pm! Isn’t that irritating?

So we waited from 5pm until 7pm, two long hours in the cold port of Banago! Then guess what, at 7pm, they told us that the vessel left Iloilo port at 6:30pm, so that means they will arrive around 8:30 to 9pm! Grrrr… We waited another two hours until the vessel was able to disembark their passenger around 9pm! I was almost about to freak-out!!

Anyway, it already happened and I could not cry over spilled milk right? I am just glad that mom is here…safe and sound! That is all that matter to me. Thank God.

Aside from the delay, when we were about to embark the vessel, it was really so darn stressful! They made people stand in line for many hours at the boarding gate. And when we got out the boarding gate, I was expected that the passenger ship was just about a few steps away, I was shocked when we were forced to walk twice the size of the boat! Then we were told to stand in the line for the doggie to smell our luggages. They told us to have two separate lines. Since we got there first for standing in the gate for hours, we were able to line up near the boat’s boarding ladder but unfortunately, they finished the first line until the end. So we again stood there for ages! Many people were complaining and not even followed their instructions and my children were already saying that they were so unfair. Oh well, I told my children, even how unfair, we must follow their instructions, but deep inside I was already complaining. The situation was so stressful that my tummy was already feeling pain. I said to myself that if I lose my baby again, I will definitely sue the company for the stress they caused me.

After all the delay, we arrive safe, sound and stressed!

Well, I guess I was not really surprised. I even gave them my mobile number freely when I bought our tickets. I was kinda expecting the same thing since I started traveling with them last year.

Anyway, I am quite blessed in this matter already. I don’t have to spend time and money waiting at the pier because I lived within the city. If the time is at hand, we will just go there to board. But for those who are not from the city? Their budget will be exhausted than the expected time. Most of them have already stayed in Cagayan de Oro ahead of time just to make it before the departure. Well, it would really be OK if the shipping company offers free stay at hotel or give out free meals. At least that would compensate the delay they are causing.

Gesh…if I had the money, we would have taken a connecting flight to Cebu then to Bacolod. That would be faster and the delay would only be minutes or even if it was hours at least you will arrive within the same day.

I guess I will be online for a few hours more before I pack up my lappy!

I don’t have any idea why he didn’t show up for our chatting session. He texted me that he was just going to take his dinner and we will chat later but he didn’t came. Anyway, before that I informed him about my time with my best friends in college. I told him I was on my way home from having a great bonding afternoon with my best friends. He didn’t actually replied with my text messages but even before, I always get the notion that he doesn’t want me to go out without him. That is a real problem with him sometimes. When he goes out with his friends, he doesn’t want me around but with I go out with my friends just to enjoy even a simple afternoon at the mall, he gets a little awkward about it. He is just so selfish!

Who am I talking about here? Well, no other than my better (bitter) half. Sometimes it makes me think deep if going back there with him in Bacolod is somehow worth it. Everyday I came to realize that I am missing a lot of things because of him. Hays! So sad that my heart couldn’t feel anything for him but the LOVE I have how I wish I could teach my heart to detest and shun him for life but I couldn’t. I could still hear my heart beat for him only and for the children. Should I hate myself?

Anyway, I have to go now. I think I need to relax and start my surfing session. Sometimes surfing the net relaxes me especially if I get to learn and read about new things. And lately, I have wanted to drive and learn about automotive. Sometimes I felt like imagining myself driving cute and cool cars and maybe learn how to identify Ferrari parts and ride one too!

Ha! If I was able to drive right now, I might drive myself to the beach and contemplate about life. But I can’t, so might as well surf myself until I get a weary eye and forget that I was stood up last night!

Oh well, I guess everything has a purpose. My husband wanted to accompany us to the pier and because of work he could not make with the schedule. Since the boat is delayed and will arrive later around 8 to 9 pm, he will be able to go with us. Isn’t that nice! Aside from that, the book that I ordered was supposed to arrive yesterday but it didn’t come. And guess what?! About a few minutes ago, the book arrived! I have a book to read while traveling now. Surely, everything really works together for a good purpose.

Anyway, I hope the boat would not be delayed anymore. It’s been delayed for many hours already. I just hope it wouldn’t be like before, instead of arriving Wednesday at 6am we arrived Thursday – because of the super delay they had! Grrr…

Anyway, I am just totally pissed right now. We are in the brink of financial difficulty and the person that I was trying to help was more than a problem to me after all. She lost the money that I gave her to buy us dinner in exchange for a fee to help her family. She lost a small amount but I am just so pissed. I don’t have the luxury of throwing money here and there when it’s really hard to put some inside our pocket nowadays. I mean, I just don’t have the time to be careless when the money is all budgeted to reach a certain date.

Alas! I maybe am suffering from the stress because of this worldwide recession. It’s affecting me terribly and is endangering our financial stability. I am more of the financial coordinator when it comes to family expenses. My husband just works and leaves everything to me. He just spends, agrees on credit and leaves the paying and the budgeting to me.

Hays! I just lost the will to continue doing some posts. Maybe I should rest for awhile, I can feel my head burning up.

Well, I guess this one is on ME! I over reacted on few things because of a simple agreement that we made. We agreed that we should go to church together and nobody would be left behind. I reacted and he reacted, then all those hurting words came out of our mouths.

I told him that he really doesn’t love me and that he is only living up to our marriage because of his conscience and not because he loves me and he wants too. Then he said, maybe I am right that he is here only for the children and if that is the case, why couldn’t I sacrifice for them too?

OK, call me insane or melodramatic but can anybody here live life with a person who doesn’t love you back? Or always thinks you are a wrong person? (He said to me that he loved the wrong person.) So, it means he is putting up with our marriage because of the children? Then probably that is the reason why he always abuses me emotionally. He lies and hurts me as if I don’t have a heart! He also complains that I always ask for attention and love wherein fact he is not able to provide because he always consider it as childish.

Oh well, I have too much bitterness and remorse right now. And guess what?! I am not yet leaving him but I have plans. I have plans to LOVE myself! Plans to be immune with his maltreatment and emotional battery! Plans to neglect him and all the things that he does and plans to be strong until I would be able to gain my stand. I know it’s hard but I will try.