Emotionally Draining Post Ahead

This is just so amazing. After the post I have yesterday, we had another fight.

Well, I guess this one is on ME! I over reacted on few things because of a simple agreement that we made. We agreed that we should go to church together and nobody would be left behind. I reacted and he reacted, then all those hurting words came out of our mouths.

I told him that he really doesn’t love me and that he is only living up to our marriage because of his conscience and not because he loves me and he wants too. Then he said, maybe I am right that he is here only for the children and if that is the case, why couldn’t I sacrifice for them too?

OK, call me insane or melodramatic but can anybody here live life with a person who doesn’t love you back? Or always thinks you are a wrong person? (He said to me that he loved the wrong person.) So, it means he is putting up with our marriage because of the children? Then probably that is the reason why he always abuses me emotionally. He lies and hurts me as if I don’t have a heart! He also complains that I always ask for attention and love wherein fact he is not able to provide because he always consider it as childish.

Oh well, I have too much bitterness and remorse right now. And guess what?! I am not yet leaving him but I have plans. I have plans to LOVE myself! Plans to be immune with his maltreatment and emotional battery! Plans to neglect him and all the things that he does and plans to be strong until I would be able to gain my stand. I know it’s hard but I will try.


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11 Comments

  1. omg mommy! that’s too much for urself to tackle emotionally the fact that you are pregnant.

    being preggy you have mood swings but i think you are sane enough too to realize for long that your hubby does not love you like the way you wanted to. no question about your love for him but i mean if you suffer that much to get that attention — i think you are better enough without him.

    please think of the impact your marriage would cause your children. Parents can’t pretend that all is well forever because kids grew and will get to understand.

    me and my siblings grew up in a family na panay ang away….and really all these years i’ve always mused, it could have been better for me and my siblings if my mom and dad parted ways for good. my mom was so wrong in sticking to the marriage and showed to us children that it is alright to stick to a loveless relationship — which is really really wrong!

    anyway, just my thought. yours pa rin ang masusunod. am sure di mo kailangan ang awa. am not giving you awa…am just thinking of the fetus inside you. you need to be surrounded with people who loves and cares for you —

  2. Mommy take care of your baby. Ako auntie is just like you still staying with my uncle. You know she was also preggy when that happened and the result the baby was the one suffered and died. Kay sige man siya hilak, kaguol so kay buntis man ang bata maoy naapektuhan. Pagkatawo sa bata sickly and it reach to the point nga namatay kay ang heart sa bata was very weak. Please take care of your baby and yourself too. I just want you to know that God is always there when we are in pain just ask and believe.

  3. well, i wouldnt want to live in a situation like yours. if it were me, i would leave in a heartbeat. if i were in your pregnant state, i would leave right now before my baby suffers.

    you cannot fool yourself into thinking that being numb will work. if you know you are feeling bitter right now, think about how much bitter you will be later on. AND would you really want your children to grow up having a bitter mother? you can mask it all you want mommy, but sooner or later your kids will see it all to clearly.

    i remember what you told me what your daughter said before. i think it was something like she does not want you to keep crying or being sad, right? i think there was a point where your little girl felt she did not want you to be with her father because you deserved better. will you wait till there are three voices telling you to stop sticking around?

    you need to love yourself better, yes. you need to be immune, yes. but it would be super hard to do it if you are NOT surrounded by people who can show you the love that you need. your husband is wrong, you know, its not childish to want love. in your case, you need love, and there are actually lots of people who are looking out for you and love you. in a way, you are shunning those who actually love you for the sake of the man who has made it clear that he does not.

    but thats just me… do what you think is best. but i advise you to stop thinking about your love for him and start thinking about what your children will think years from now. think about what life you want them to have. will it be in an unhappy household or will you give them the best childhood they will ever have. and most importantly think about the baby you are carrying. sila ang importante. it should be your challenge to show them that a life filled with love is indeed possible. surround yourself with people who love you mamz.. you greatly deserve it.

    God bless you, and may you find the right path to peace.

  4. i’ve already said my part before, and my stand on this will never ever change. u can never change a person/a man. waiting for him to change to be better and to learn to love u, is just a waste of a great deal of your life.
    it is our duty to take ourselves out of situations that we do not like. we have a power, not over others but of ourselves, our own decisions. u can decide to be free.
    he only has power over you as you allow him to be.

  5. This is so overwhelming! All your comments are very much appreciated. Thank you very much Mommies!! 😳

    As all of you have said, the decision is still up to me. So, I am really praying for God’s grace and strength to help me overcome these things. I am already tired and exhausted with all these reoccurring circumstances but still I am having a hard time to come up with a fix decision. I hope God will answer my prayers soon. 🙂

    Again, thank you again guys for all your thoughtful comments.

  6. and the cause of your fight is soooo petty, too shallow..just because he could not go with you to church for that day does not mean he does not love you anymore..try to rationalize why he couldn’t go with you..maybe he is sick,he is not feeling good or maybe he has PMS..just kidding…live life and love it accdg to boy abunda…life is too short so enjoy it and be happy especially with your condition

  7. 😕 My heart goes out to you, especially in this difficult time. Pregnant mommies should be loved and lavished with attention and special cares. You’ve always been alive,positive and cheerful. Hope you get the love you deserve. You’ll be happier and a better mommy.

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