Out from the Heart

Just recently, I was browsing the friendster account of my hubby’s ex-lover (what the heck in the world was I thinking!!). There, I saw a lot of pictures of my hubby’s daughter with her and of course, the girl. It seems really stupid but I kinda felt so insecure. His ex-lover is very much pretty and endowed with a sexy body. Every time we talk about her before, she doesn’t say anything bad about her. It seems that she is a perfect person. But as for me, I always get the insults and the degrading remarks.
Sometimes, I felt that he wishes to be away with me. I mean, me – not beautiful and not so perfect wife and mother – who would want me?? I think the insults are just a way for him to feel at ease with the sacrifice he is having. Why sacrifice? I think he is here with me because of the kids and not because he loves me.

Oh well, I did try my best to become a good wife and mother. I don’t know how to cook but I tried. Actually, I resigned from my high-paying job because I wanted to learn how to become a better mom and wife. But it seems he doesn’t appreciate my hard work, he always says that being an ideal wife and mom is easy but why can’t I do it? I guess he expects too much from me, it’s only been 3 months since I resigned, he couldn’t expect me to cook specialized home-cooked viand or even organized household chores (when I practically grew up excelling in other things but not household work because I was a sickly child, my mom wouldn’t want me to work). But I tried and still trying.

Hmmm….it really hurt when you’re not loved. My parents love me and my children do, but my hubby?? Nahh…I am just a helpmate. After all, our marriage was a product of careless moves. But, I really do love him but sometimes love really hurts…because love is not expecting to be loved back.

But the question is?? How long could I take this?? Well, I guess God is the only one who can make me go through this. I can’t…I mean I am about to give-up again with our marriage but I am still holding on because of my love for him and the kids love for him.

Ahhh….heart issues are too much to bear. That is why I have a blog to express it. HEHEHE…

Guys, I told you before…don’t expect much of a happy posts from me. I am a combination of all. This is just one of my emotional heartaches. Please bear with the BEAR. muah!


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Comments

  1. Jo Ann says:

    mommy ruby… i can understand your problem. reading your words seem like you are talking about my own marriage. it is just made worse because i also a child from a previous relationship which of course i brought into our marriage while my husband’s kids are with their mother. it feels like it is a cross so heavy to bear. i know the pain, the questions, the sleepless nights, the prayers you say… please know that my heart is with you and i will be praying for you.

  2. mnemosyne says:

    hello pinaymommy and thanks for visiting my blog:-)btw, this is one sad post but its alright and i understand…we all have days like that you know and it’s ok to let it out …but i’m sure your husband loves you very much and who told you you are not pretty…your husband is lucky to have you.

  3. Mummy Sheng says:

    i know it’s hard not to expect even a single compliment after all the sacrifes you’ve done. we, as women of course long to be loved in return. and i do feel so sorry that things aren’t doing well for you.

    some may tell you to walk away for the kids, since your hubby is like that. some may even tell you to still hold on, still for the sake of your children.

    all i can tell you is not to give up believing in HIM! i don’t know what His plans are, but for sure whatever it is, it’s for a good cause.

    keep the faith my dear! you’ve got a lot of friends out here who cares!

    god bless!

  4. Jenaisle says:

    Hey Ruby, all of us have melancholic days like these ones.

    You are a beautiful woman, I can “sense” that your husband loves you just as much. Some men though – at times – don’t know how to express what they feel; and sometimes they may not also appreciate the simple little things that we do for them.

    Perhaps, HE feels you are taking him for granted. Perhaps he needs attention too? There are men who are egoistic and insecure and they need reassurance too, that we love them. Surprise him with a candlelit dinner , or a love note tucked into his pocket, etc, Then observe if there is any change in his behavior.

    All the best for you. I will be praying for you.

  5. Dezz says:

    Wow! Mommy, its been a while Am not here. Thanks for visiting me again. I am sorry to hear this, I think there is no need for you to be insecure. You are pretty Mommy and a good wife I know. Leave your hubby’s past. I know how you feel it really hurts but prayers will break all those. Learn to cook is not that hard, I was in your shoes before. Through reading some recipes online you will be a better cook believe me it takes a while before you can cook the specialized viand but in time you will be a chef hehe..btw, just make you smile.. Hope you have a good week end.

    take care,
    dezz

  6. Cielo says:

    hi RUBY, it’s really hard when u feel that your best effort is un-reciprocated, specially when you have given that much….but just hang on, I know that God has a better plan for you….

    For now, focus on your kids and love yourself more….

    keep on blogging, sometimes when no one else seems to listen and nobody seems to care…this is your haven…

    Just hang on….

  7. shimumsy says:

    hi, we are always here for you. it is good that you speak what’s in you heart kasi minsan mas masakit if you just keep everything to yourself.
    if you think that you are doing your best you’re ok don’t alaways blame yourself because in a marriage it is a joint effort between husband and wife. hindi lang ikaw.
    love yourself and remember what won’t kill you will just make you stronger.
    haba na nito. smiles dyan.
    xoxoxox

  8. Ann says:

    hi mommy ruby,

    I honestly felt like crying while reading your post. I understand how it feels to have given up all and to try your best all for somebody who we sometimes feel doesnt appreciate what we’ve done.

    All I can say is that, hang in there, okay? And when you’re ready, I’m sure everything will come clear to you. In the meantime, since you have the power to try to make him look your way, and if you want to that is, then by all means, don’t go down without a fight! Trust in God and listen, He will surely help you out.

    We’re all people after all.. what else would we be if we did not have our vulnerable moments?

    We’re here for you..

    XOXOXOXOX

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