After Divorce: Why Both Mom and Dad Need to Be Involved

One of the hardest things for children to understand is why their parents are getting a divorce.  There are many reasons for divorce that this might come as a shock to the children but it can also be an overwhelming time that can cause the children to go through a wide range of emotions, fears, and thoughts.  Some of these might even be negative towards themselves and many children wind up feeling like it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce.

Divorce

It is very important that both parents remain active in their children’s lives after the divorce.  The first step in doing this is to sit down with the children and explain to them that you are getting a divorce.  This should be done together and in a way where the children can feel open to asking questions.  The process of explaining the situation can be hardest and is something that both parents should take extra care to do in the right way.

Statistics Prove the Importance 

Many parents do not realize that the statistics show that the children of divorce are prone to a number of problems or situations later in life that can be prevented with good joint parenting.  Even if both parents can not stand each other, their main focus should be their child and how they can work together to raise a child that does not fall into one of these statistics.

  • “Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality.” (US Department of Health and Family Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington DC, 1993) – With rising divorce rates in our country it is important that parents who are going through a divorce work hard to cultivate a relationship that keeps both parents an active part of the children’s lives.
  • Children who are raised by single mothers are more likely to be abused than children who are raised by two active parents.  The reason for this is likely that the single mothers do not mean to be abusive but with the pressures of work, trying to care for children on their own, and other burdens it is too much for one person.  Single moms are more likely to snap and react in a negative way with their children regardless of how much they love them.  (“A Study of Child Abuse in Lansing, MI,” Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay, Child Abuse and Neglect, 1984).

Learning to Live Divorced as Parents 

Even when parents look at the statistics they still might find themselves stuck in a trap with their ex.  In many cases, especially those where abuse was present in the relationship (abuse could have been sexual, mental, emotional, or physical), it can be nearly impossible for one parent to forgive the other parent and move on with their life.  If this happens it is not the other parent that suffers but instead the child who suffers the most. Businesses provide a wide variety of family legal solutions.  Reaching out for family law help  is important so you can successfully parent the children together.

Never Talk Bad About the Other Parent

While this sounds like something that would be easy, this is the hardest thing to do in the situation of a divorce.  Parents who talk bad about the other parent in front of their children cause lasting damage to the child.  The child believes that something is wrong with themselves because they are a part of the other parent.

 

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