Parenting

After Divorce: Why Both Mom and Dad Need to Be Involved

April 9, 2015

One of the hardest things for children to understand is why their parents are getting a divorce.  There are many reasons for divorce that this might come as a shock to the children but it can also be an overwhelming time that can cause the children to go through a wide range of emotions, fears, and thoughts.  Some of these might even be negative towards themselves and many children wind up feeling like it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce.

Divorce

It is very important that both parents remain active in their children’s lives after the divorce.  The first step in doing this is to sit down with the children and explain to them that you are getting a divorce.  This should be done together and in a way where the children can feel open to asking questions.  The process of explaining the situation can be hardest and is something that both parents should take extra care to do in the right way.

Statistics Prove the Importance 

Many parents do not realize that the statistics show that the children of divorce are prone to a number of problems or situations later in life that can be prevented with good joint parenting.  Even if both parents can not stand each other, their main focus should be their child and how they can work together to raise a child that does not fall into one of these statistics.

  • “Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality.” (US Department of Health and Family Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington DC, 1993) – With rising divorce rates in our country it is important that parents who are going through a divorce work hard to cultivate a relationship that keeps both parents an active part of the children’s lives.
  • Children who are raised by single mothers are more likely to be abused than children who are raised by two active parents.  The reason for this is likely that the single mothers do not mean to be abusive but with the pressures of work, trying to care for children on their own, and other burdens it is too much for one person.  Single moms are more likely to snap and react in a negative way with their children regardless of how much they love them.  (“A Study of Child Abuse in Lansing, MI,” Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay, Child Abuse and Neglect, 1984).

Learning to Live Divorced as Parents 

Even when parents look at the statistics they still might find themselves stuck in a trap with their ex.  In many cases, especially those where abuse was present in the relationship (abuse could have been sexual, mental, emotional, or physical), it can be nearly impossible for one parent to forgive the other parent and move on with their life.  If this happens it is not the other parent that suffers but instead the child who suffers the most. Businesses provide a wide variety of family legal solutions.  Reaching out for family law help  is important so you can successfully parent the children together.

Never Talk Bad About the Other Parent

While this sounds like something that would be easy, this is the hardest thing to do in the situation of a divorce.  Parents who talk bad about the other parent in front of their children cause lasting damage to the child.  The child believes that something is wrong with themselves because they are a part of the other parent.

 

Comment before you go. Thanks!

  1. You’ve raised some valid points here. I was fortunate to be raised in a home with both my parents present (and married), but I had cousins whose parents got divorced. It was always interesting to see how our perspectives on life differed due to our parents’ marital status (and resulting parental involvement).

    {Pinning this to my parenting board 🙂 }

  2. I am the child of divorced parents and right now, at the age of 24 my mother and stepfather are also going through the divorce and I totally agree, the hardship on children during this time is immense. I will never get over the fact that I didn’t have a ‘normal’ family growing up and now, as an adult, my family is being torn up again 🙁

  3. I wish everyone followed that last rule. I know more than one couple where one of the people wish’s they’d have stayed together just because their ex ruined their relationship with their kids.

  4. Children are always the ones who suffers the most from a divorced parents. I do agree with you, each parents should be active in the children’s lives for them to have an easy transition.

  5. Divorce is a tough issues to discuss and handle. I believe children who have to experience this can be OK. The parents must position the child for greatness and assure that the love is still the same.

  6. This is such a great post indeed for what to do after the divorce for the children. between the two parents. I had all the abuse mentioned in my marriage. We have a great relationship as boyfriend girlfriend now and we were divorced ten years ago. It is so important for both parents to get along and I believe after the divorce it is important to still do family things together

  7. Divorce is SO hard on kids, even when parents do all the “right” things during and after. Kids are resilient but even an amicable divorce leaves kids with years of healing ahead of them 🙁

  8. I have way too many friends who are in situations like this; not necessarily all married, but have children together and are separated. It breaks my heart to see the children have to go through life with only one parent full time. In spite of differences, people truly need to make it work for their kids – it’s not fair for them to go through life like that. It’s one thing when only one parent is alive, or one lives far away and was never involved. It’s a totally different story when the kid grows up knowing both parents and one just disappears.

  9. This was a very informative post. It breaks my heart to see children AND parents go through this. Thanks for teaching of the importance of co-parenting!

  10. these are great tips! I have divorced parents and honestly if both parents try it’s not that bad for the kiddos!

  11. As a child that was raised in a broken home, I couldn’t agree more. Children really need both parents involved, especially following a divorce.

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