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Feeling Guilty


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Earlier today, my mom, children and I went to the hospital to visit Bella’s doctor. It was our first visit after her birth since her doctor was not always around when we came to visit. When we arrived around 11am, I was shocked that there were plenty of patients waiting. That is when I knew that the doctor hasn’t arrived yet. So, we wait until 12nn plus, then the roll call of patient started. At around 1:30pm, it was finally our turn.

As we went inside, I immediately opened up all the issues I have encountered with Bella. One of these is for Bella being fussy. The doctor told me that Bella doesn’t look fussy (because she was behaving at that moment). She said that maybe Bella has not yet adjusted to proper sleeping pattern that is why she is awake at dawn. As for the carrying thing, maybe it is caused by her nasal congestion causing her difficulty in breathing. Aside from that, Bella is a healthy baby gaining 1.1 kilos since birth which also means that I have milk!! Yehey!

Anyway, after the hospital, we went to the department store to buy her additional things but unfortunately she was being fussy again. So we immediately went home and I fed her. And guess what?! After drinking, she sleeps and wakes up again crying. My mom was taking care of her because I wasn’t able to sleep the night before. After a few hours with the sleep, wake and cry pattern. I took her from my mom. She was still crying and I fed her again. Then later, I stood and held her the way she wanted. After a few seconds, she fell asleep. I held her for few more minutes before putting her to bed. Then finally, I was able to sleep until 10pm and Bella is still sleeping like an angel up to now. I just breast fed her awhile ago and she continued sleeping.

Now, I am left confused. I really don’t know what my baby wanted. But I have the gut feeling that she wanted to be held by me because lately Mom has been carrying her longer than I because I was researching about rv financing and other workloads that I needed to finish immediately. I felt guilty but somehow I felt torn between many responsibilities – taking care of her and helping out our family’s finances.


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hailey October 27, 2009 - 7:07 am

carry on mommy ruby! you’re such a selfless mom. breastmilk is the best!

liezl October 27, 2009 - 9:12 am

Sis, just one step at a time… ^_^ I know you’re a busy mom and its hard to manage time…

Honney October 28, 2009 - 2:06 am

I feel for you, sis. Sometimes I feel the same way whenever I don’t have enough time for my son coz I work full-time. Madalas pang puyat. Mahirap talagang maging mommy, no? We really need to sacrifice talaga. Kahit puyat at pagod, we need to make it up to them. 😉

aeirin October 29, 2009 - 7:38 am

Mommy, one of the reasons bakit gising si baby Bella kasi during nsa tyan mo sya, gising ka sa gabi. kung ano daw sleeping habits and eating habits mo nung time n nsa tyan mo sya, dun sya nasanay. Well, un ang sabi ng mom ko. haay super inggit nman ako. lahat n yata nabubuntis. ako nalng hindi.:(

anyway, I hope you have some rest. mahirap pag may sakit si mommy. wag masyadong magpuyat. ingat lagi

Carol October 30, 2009 - 11:16 pm

Yes she just wanted to be held. Malakas ba ang pressure ng milk mo? Kasi ang baby ko kapag nagiging fussy siya ang reason ay kabag. Try to fold her one leg up to her tummy….then the other leg naman. It works great with him.

I think madaliin ko na ang iyong baby sling para carry mo siya maski may ginagawa ka sa puter. It really helps sa mga fussy babies sis. 🙂


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