Well, I am back at my hubby’s place. He came to me and asked me to come back home with him. Actually, it took four hours of logical and prideful deliberation before he said sorry. Before that I told him that our marriage was not worth another try and that I wouldn’t go back with him if love is not present. At first he said why not be our children be the reason that I should get back with him, so I replied immediately that the greatest way of showing your children that you love them is by loving their mother.Anyway, to make the long story short, after the painful four hours of talk, he finally said sorry for all things he said. He told me that he was drunk and mad that is why he said all those things. He also explained that he was also having a hard time because of our past and the truth still remains that he loves me and that since when decided to be together again he had never touched another woman. It was only pride that keeps us both in a position where we hurt each other more than showing love.
I admit that I too have a flaw and shortcomings in our marriage. I have been cynical and often accused him of the past. And because of these things, we always end up in argument and saying hateful words. Well, I couldn’t blame myself. It is hard to trust again when it has been already broken from the past. When we separated, I have done many bad things too that somehow caused him to be hurt too.
I am not justifying the fact that I have accepted my husband’s apology. I love him and the kids too. I want a family but still I don’t know how long I can keep it up. As Mommy Jenny said, only God can change a person, not me, not my children or any other person for that matter. Only God can help him change. I just pray for circumstances to make him wake up!
The only thing I need to do is be strong and have more faith, for me and for the sake of my children.
Anyway, I would like to say thank you for the continued advices and support of all the people who constantly follow and read my blog. Your advices are very much appreciated and I take them all to heart. Now, I need your prayers that I may remain strong and fight for my goals to have a family…not perfect but complete and happy.
I know I should leave my husband for all the pains and the hurt he has caused me but sometimes my love for him and the children and the desire to keep the family together is still stronger than the hate I felt for the circumstances.
Am I afraid of losing him? No…I have proven many times that I can survive without him. I have raised my children without a single penny from him. But I do love him and the kids…and I believe that love by God’s grace can conquer all. I just hope I will live the day to see my husband change, my heart to accept the past and to see my children grow with a loving mom and dad.
If he has pride and I have pride too, where would this marriage go? As long as he doesn’t hurt me physically, I am still willing to pursue my goals. As long as there is love, I am still willing. So guys, please love me for who I am – the stubborn one. Besides, it wouldn’t be Pinay Mommy if I don’t get stubborn when it comes to love, right??